When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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