So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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