the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't turn off my feet"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize