maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
