sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
