I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
