Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
sex in a hospital.. check
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
