Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
