I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
