Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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