Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
