They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
