The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
