Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize