We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
