I think i peed on brittanys purse
the condom got lost in my hair
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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