saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
