You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
