Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
