i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think i peed on brittanys purse
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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