I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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