I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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