The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
