i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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