she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
