he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
