doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
