My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
