dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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