Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
