so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
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