i jhust puked up my retainher.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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