Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize