It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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