Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
