we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
