filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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