woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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