It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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