you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
