Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
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Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize