I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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