I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
