i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
