just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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