he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
