I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It was confusing and full of hummus
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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