So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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