butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
