You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
