hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
People in love make me want to vomit
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
