I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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