operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize