Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
