So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
