hotel room ftw
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
