i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
