ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Your dad touched me again.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
