shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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