You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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