Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
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FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
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Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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