hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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