Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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