its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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