Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
