so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
