Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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