So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
