yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
