Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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