All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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