i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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