You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
