You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
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Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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