I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
