my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
