So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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