I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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