I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
