Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
