forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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