Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
