Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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