sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have demons in me.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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